Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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