i will never coherently bang her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
