I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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