Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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