is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
