So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
