was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
