I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
