i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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