Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
