I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
