Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
