Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
