Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
