Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We are two peas in an std pod
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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