I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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