The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
