I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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