Your face is a jimmy john
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
