8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
