I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
