Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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