Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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