ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
