why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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