U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
