if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
