That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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