why didn't you poke me back
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
