happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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