i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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