I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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