i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize