My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
