dude i'm inner monologue high
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
