Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
