Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
