I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
