I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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