Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
