FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
