I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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