No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we're making bets on your personal life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
BRING THE BAGELS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
