you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want her autograph on my taint
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
