I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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