well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize