I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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