At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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