There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
