Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
