a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
