note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
did i just pee glitter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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