you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
