You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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