That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
