do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
