Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
