Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
