And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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