I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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